What Even Is Sex?

Expanding the Definition Beyond Penetration

If you asked 100 people, “What is sex?” you might be surprised by how many would answer with only one specific act: penile-vaginal intercourse. But human sexuality is far richer, more varied, and more meaningful than that narrow definition allows.

This limited view not only leaves many people feeling confused, excluded, or “broken,” but it also contributes to misunderstandings about sexual health, pleasure, intimacy, and pain — including when and why to seek pelvic floor physical therapy.

Let’s explore what sex really is, and why expanding our definition can lead to better health, more connection, and deeper self-understanding.

Sex ≠ Just Penetration

Sexual activity can take many forms, including (but absolutely not limited to):

• Penetrative intercourse (vaginal, anal)
• Oral sex
• Manual or finger stimulation
• Use of toys or tools
• Outercourse (non-penetrative acts like kissing, rubbing, cuddling, or mutual masturbation)
• Sensual touch or massage
• Energetic or emotional intimacy (tantric practices)
• Long distance intercourse (phone sex, sexting)

The common thread? Consensual physical and/or emotional connection intended to create pleasure, intimacy, or arousal.

When we define sex solely by penetration, we:

• Ignore diverse bodies and relationships (queer, trans, asexual, disabled, etc.)
• Reinforce shame around pleasure that doesn’t “fit the script”
• Miss clues about dysfunction or pain that may show up in other forms of sexual activity

Why This Matters in Pelvic Health

At Hidden Strength PT, I often work with patients who are in pain, frustrated, or confused because they believe they’re “not doing sex right” or “can’t have real sex” due to:

• Pain during penetration (dyspareunia)
• Vaginismus or pelvic muscle tightness
• Erectile dysfunction or post-surgical recovery
• Lack of desire or fear of intimacy
• Physical limitations due to childbirth, injury, or chronic illness

The truth is: Sex is not a performance. It’s a personal, relational experience.
Pain doesn’t mean failure. Limitations don’t mean brokenness.
And your experience is valid — even if it doesn’t look like what you were taught.

Rethinking Intimacy, Rebuilding Trust

Many people come to pelvic floor PT believing their bodies are betraying them. They might say:

• “I can’t have sex anymore.”
• “I’m broken.”
• “I don’t even know what I like.”

Our work often starts by redefining the entire conversation. We ask:

• What feels good to you?
• What kind of touch makes you feel safe or seen?
• What does intimacy mean to you right now?

From there, we work together — using movement, breath, awareness, and evidence-based therapy — to reduce pain, increase function, and rebuild trust in the body.

Let’s Normalize the Whole Spectrum of Sex

Whether you’re partnered, solo, curious, recovering, asexual, or exploring your identity, your experience matters. Your story is worth listening to. And your body deserves care — not judgment.

If you’re struggling with pain, fear, confusion, or disconnection around sex, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

Pelvic floor therapy isn’t just about muscles. It’s about helping you feel whole again—emotionally, physically, and sexually.

Let’s talk.
Whether you’re healing, exploring, or just curious, I’m here to support you. Contact me for a free consultation or to learn more.